#9. Saturn 3 (tie)
Directors: John Barry, Stanley Donen
Putting a range of reputable talent both in front of and behind the camera, this sci-fi comedy horror show is about as strange as a mainstream movie can get. Set on Saturn's third moon, the film follows two lovers (Kirk Douglas and Farrah Fawcett) as their lives are uprooted by a visiting technocrat (Harvey Keitel) and his evil 8-foot robot. According to the critics, this film works best when it's viewed as a parody—even if that wasn't the original intent.
#9. The Tortured (tie)
Director: Robert Lieberman
Seeking revenge for their child's murder, a middle-class couple kidnaps the man responsible and enacts some vigilante justice in this inept thriller. Thanks to poor writing and editing, the title might very well be referring to audience members. Critic Kyle Smith advises potential viewers to “run away from this psycho killer flick.”
#8. Alone in the Dark
Director: Uwe Boll
This video game adaptation might very well be Uwe Boll's finest moment, presuming one watches his movies hoping they'll be as terrible as their reputations suggest. It stars Christian Slater as paranormal investigator Edward Carnby, who revisits the past while taking on his most dangerous case yet. In his review for the Baltimore Sun, critic Chris Kaltenbach wrote, “The idea that anything could be worse is the only genuine scare the movie has to offer.”
#7. Septic Man
Director: Jesse Thomas Cook
While investigating a water contamination crisis, a sewage worker gets trapped in a septic tank and undergoes a gruesome transformation. As Septic Man plots his escape, the film reduces itself to little more than a string of gross-out sequences. The critical puns practically write themselves.
#5. Transylmania (tie)
Directors: David Hillenbrand, Scott Hillenbrand
Blending bad humor and horror, this brainless misfire sends a bunch of college stoners to Romania as part of an exchange program. When an ancient vampire comes back to reclaim his throne, the stoners must do battle if they ever want to party again. While Entertainment Weekly critic Adam Markovitz hated the film with a passion, he suggested people watch it because “everyone should see something this bad at least once.”
#5. The Mangler (tie)
Director: Tobe Hooper
In this adaptation of a Stephen King short story, a laundry-folding machine springs to life and starts murdering innocent people. Yes, a laundry-folding machine. Is there really anything more to say about it?
#4. May I Kill U?
Director: Stuart Urban
After a freak accident, a British bicycle cop becomes a murderous vigilante in this cheeky thriller. Minding his manners, the cop always asks his intended victims “May I kill you?” before he murders them. While the elements for black comedy and social satire are there, director Stuart Urban fails to put the pieces together in a convincing—or even entertaining—fashion.
#3. Dirty Cop No Donut
Director: Tim Ritter
In this low-budget “shockumentary,” a psychotic police officer embarks on a bloody rampage while satiating various carnal desires. Intended as a parody of TV shows such as “Cops,” the film feels more like an 80-minute prank on the viewer instead. As one critic put it, “the project smacks of juvenile hijinks.”
#2. The Human Centipede III (Final Sequence)
Director: Tom Six
Just when critics thought “The Human Centipede” franchise couldn't get any worse, the third and final installment came along to up the ante on poor taste. This time, a crazed warden wants to construct a 500-person centipede out of his prisoners. The movie tries to push as many buttons as possible, but it ultimately tests one's patience more than anything else.
Director: David DeFalco
Alternately reeking of nihilism and amateurism, this derivative horror movie depicts the brutal torture of two young girls at the hands of a sadistic gang. The chaos that ensues is almost exclusively the result of bad filmmaking, hence the score of 1 over on Metacritic. Calling the movie an “exercise in heartless cruelty,” critic Roger Ebert openly expressed regret over having seen it.
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